My father's daughter

On April 26, 2009 a goofy, smart, driven, stubborn and charismatic man left this earth too soon: my dad.  Below are some excerpts from the eulogy that I gave at his U.S. memorial service. He'd probably love the attention of being featured on my blog and he would probably say that I should have included the whole eulogy, but I think what's included below will give everyone a great idea of what I miss most about him. As always, thanks for reading. :)

He was a huge ham who loved the camera, a trait I have apparently inherited.  His huge smile, crazy laugh and mugging for the camera…ANY camera…are some of the top memories that I hear about again and again.  When my husband sees me jump in front of the camera and give a cheesy smile or do one of my silly impressions he just shakes his head and notes, “You’re more like your dad than you think you are.” 

Big smiles throughout the years

He loved singing and dancing – The skits and line dances at filipino parties, the family recordings in the late 70’s, the multiple karaoke sessions...  To think of my dad is to remember his huge love for a good tune that he could dance or sing to…or better yet, both!  I have no doubt of where my love of show choir, karaoke bars, and dance clubs comes from.

He was detail oriented and knew how to backup an argument.  When I was accepted for admissions to Duke as a high school senior, I wanted nothing more than to go there, no matter what the cost.  Like most teenage girls, I didn’t really have a concept of how expensive it really would be, nor did I really have a concept of how much money my parents did or did not have.  My dad knew this, so before he let me make a decision, he illustrated what the cost of Duke would REALLY be.   

He did this by sitting me down on the couch and pulling out an easel and a flip chart and giving me a 20-minute presentation with graphs, statistics, and comparisons to show just how expensive Duke would be for them.  But being the strong-headed teenager I was, I didn’t budge.   

Exasperated, he said that if I went to Tech or UVA, they would buy me a new car.   

I still chose Duke.  And as my sister likes to point out, I still got a car. :)

He loved to teach.  In my freshman year, I was not doing too well in physics.  My dad wanted me to succeed, of course, and wanted to help me the best way he knew how.  One day, I went to my campus mailbox and pulled out a large letter-sized package from home.  I excitedly tore into it thinking it looked like something fun, but instead I pulled out 4 sheets of graph paper with 6 hand-written physics problems that my dad had made up.  Included were instructions for me to do the problems and mail them back to him for him to grade.  And he wasn’t kidding.  

Graduation day from Duke!

He LOVED to watch sports and especially NCAA Basketball.  I think this is why he was secretly happy that I chose to go to Duke.  When I was little, we would stay up late together to watch UVA basketball (in what would come to be the heyday of UVA basketball).  He would also never miss a chance to watch his alma mater Louisville.  Even when he was in the Philippines in the spring, he’d always manage to stay on top of March Madness and taunt me when his Cardinals went farther than my Blue Devils in the tournament.

Dad and I at the Thinker statue in Louisville, 44 years apart!

He was persistent and stubborn.  While this may seem like a negative, it was truly one of his best traits.  His persistence got him from his humble working-class beginnings in the Philippines to a scholarship to graduate school in Thailand where he met my mom.  So smitten was he the instant that he met her, that he pursued her tirelessly.  My mom says she tried to avoid and ignore him but he “wore her down.”  When my sister and I would ask how he proposed she would say, “I don’t know, he asked me to marry him SO many times!” His persistence paid off again when she finally said yes, married him, and moved to the US with him in 1966.   

They didn’t have much, but they had love and determination.  Dad always had a single-minded goal to be successful and make his mark on the world, and that he clearly has.

Mom & Dad when he was just a thorn in her side. :)

Dad & Mom in front of Burruss Hall in 1976 - his 3rd MS degree!
32 years later, ProMo and I starting working right next door.

After 3 master's and a PhD, Dad finally fulfilled his dream to teach.
Photo taken at De La Salle University commencement (Manila, Philippines), where he was a professor.

Some family pictures:

First family photo.  Yes, I am a potato.

Outside of Patton Hall for sister's graduation reception!

Watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade in NYC, 2001

40th Anniversary Celebration

The last family photo, Christmas 2008

While I may not have seen eye to eye with him on all his decisions, I can say without a doubt that he made every decision out of love.   He wanted nothing more than to see his family and loved ones succeed in life and love.  I can only hope I did him proud during his time on earth, and that I will continue to do him proud as I continue on my own journey.

 

We miss and love you, DAD!!

Loser Like Me

I am a nerd.

Not in a cool "Glee" cheerleader kind of way, but really really nerdy.

Oh sure, it was more obvious when I was a slightly chubby kid with braces, odd little haircuts and big coke bottle glasses. But despite my straight teeth, decent hair and LASIK-tuned eyes, I still love math and corny music, I'm still not really athletically inclined (really!), and I still get awkwardly shy around people I don't know.

Yup, that's me!

OK, OK.  I know I left engineering and (sort of) came back, but let's be honest...I've always been a geek deep down.  Even when I was working at LLS, I was WAY more into the budget numbers, scheduling and coordination that most of my co-workers.  Truth be told, I enjoyed it when they asked me about the construction sequencing of the Woodrow Wilson Bridge project, as we gazed out of the windows from our office on Route 1 in Alexandria. When we would go out to training runs, I would tsk tsk at the poor drainage on some of the trails and point out how a very simple grading modification would eliminate all the ponding.  So while I never thought I'd be back in the engineering world, I can't say I ever stayed TOO far away from it.

Route 1/495/95 interchange from the LLS side of the Potomac

One of the things that is cool about working with engineering students is that I see myself in a lot of them.  Going back for my Duke reunion this past weekend brought back so many of these feelings, and I was glad my "partner in crime" Cat was there too.  We were alike in many ways...we were female civil engineering students who excelled in high school but felt very middle-of-the-road at Duke.

We were still fairly motivated, but became beaten down by the ultra-competitive nature of our fellow students.  We called each other "slacker," killed time in class by making up games (remember, this was before laptops!), and slept through more classes than we cared to admit to our parents (sorry mom!).  We even calculated how much of our parents' money we wasted every time we skipped class.  We joked about it a lot, but secretly, I think we were both pretty disappointed that we weren't getting straight A's with one or two B's anymore.

Two "slackers" and a classy wine cooler - camping out for the Carolina game in 1996.

 Cat was going to do anything BUT engineering and I was going to grad school because I had no idea what to do next and I wanted to put off the "real world" for a little bit longer.  Fast forward 15 years, and she's the only one of our friends who is still a design engineer and I am teaching a civil engineering class at a Top 10 university.

Believe me, NONE of our friends in college would've called that!

The two slackers are now a professor and a project engineer.
Amstel Light has replaced Bartles & James. Upgrade!

So what I really want to tell these students is that it's OK to have no idea what to do with your life.  Embrace your inner nerd!  Have confidence in your intelligence...it won't let you down.

I'm not saying that it will always be an easy road.  Please...did you see that first picture?  How could you NOT make fun of that kid?!  But being a geek is kinda cool. Really! I feel like people told me that in high school and college, but it's something that I never really truly believed.

Trust me.  "Soon enough you'll figure out, you wanna be...a loser like ME!"

Give me an Update

Oh Facebook. 

I have such a love/hate relationship with you.  To follow up on my last post, I want to reiterate that I do believe that Facebook is incredibly revolutionary.  For someone who did not even have email when I started college, I can see how much it has opened up new avenues of communication and made it so much easier to keep up with people.

However.

Over the past 4+ years that I've been on FB, I've noticed some trends in status updates.  Sometimes disturbing but always common, I think the time has come for me to create a  Top 10 list of the most popular status updates in my little world (in no particular order). 

The quoter/lyricist

Examples: 
Some people call it a one night stand, but we can call it paradise
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter, you are the best thing that's ever been mine!
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. ~Mark Twain

[By the way, that first one is a Duran Duran lyric.  Personally, I think it's a great line but probably not one I would choose to use as a status update.]

This Facebooker relies on poets, philosophers, singers and even rappers (guilty!) for the majority of their status updates. The good thing about quotes is that they can convey pretty much any emotion.  Feeling silly yet pensive? Quote Dr. Seuss.  Feeling emo? Sylvia Plath or any 90's grunger will do the trick.  Just be careful that you're not OVER sharing (see Example #1).

The horrified parent

Ex:  Can't believe I overheard my daughter singing about being so hot "we'll melt your popsicle!" Thanks a lot, Katy Perry!

Ummm...might I remind you that when we were your daughter's age we were singing about being like a virgin touched for the very first time, pushing it "real good," and singing along to this gem: "my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon." 

Relax (don't do it), your daughter will be fine.

The one who works out more than you do

Ex:
10 mile run and 25 mile ride this morning!  Now time for some granola and bananas!
March 25 at 7:03am via iPhone

I get it.  You work out. A lot. More than the rest of us. I was already feeling kind of lazy, now I feel like a slob.


The one who doesn't realize the difference between a status update and writing on someone's wall

Ex: Hey girl! Thanks for the call! Stop by after you pick up Eddie from school...or should I just meet you at the park at 3? Can't wait to see you!

This one always cracks me up.  It makes me laugh even more when people call them out by commenting on it in response.  I laugh at it so much that I am afraid that I'll do it by accident one of these days.  That'll show me.


The hater/political inciter

Examples: 
F the Dookies!!! Who cares if my bracket is busted now that Duke is GOONNEE baby!
Want to know why you're still unemployed? Blame [insert politician name here].

OK maybe I'm taking that first one a little personally, but I never understand people who spend their FB time and energy being such haters.  How about a little positivity?  How about cheering FOR a team instead of AGAINST one?  How about not trying to incite a FB "war of comments"?  Can't we all just get along?

The cryptic updater

Ex: Well, I wasn't expecting THAT! Could really use some positive vibes and prayers right now!!

WHAT? What's going on? Are you dying? Is someone in your family dying? Did you fail a test? Are you pregnant? Are you stuck in your car in a ditch with your legs pinned but your thumbs free for updating your Facebook status?! WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?!

...but then of course there's the opposite end of the spectrum...

The TMI updater

Ex: Phew! Finally passed that stone!  Now if only little Johnny Jr. wasn't constipated and little Sally didn't have explosive diarrhea we would all be healthy!

No one needs to know any of this. Any. of. this.

The complainer

Examples...all the same person, posted one hour apart: 
UGH! I am going to kill my boss!
Is it 5 yet?
If my cube mate doesn't STFU I will stab him in the eye with my mechanical pencil.

People, if your job is really THAT BAD that you feel the need to barrage your friends' newsfeeds with your hourly complaints then it may be the time to look for something new. And do you want to be known as the person who always seems ungrateful and complains on Facebook?  Or worse, do you want to be that person that everyone HIDES? Didn't think so.  Take it down a notch.

of course, the direct opposite of this is...

The one who's kid/life is WAAAYYY better than yours

Examples: 
My amazing husband just made me a delicious dinner and is giving me a foot rub while we watch "The Notebook."  Sigh. Life is good!
Joey just brought home his report card! Straight A's again!

Personally, I think these are pretty cute but sometimes they can go a little far. Just make sure it's not ALL you're writing about.  I have friends who get a little skeptical when people do nothing but these because no one's life is THAT perfect. Right?


And finally, this one is truly my favorite simply because they are usually the most hilarious:

The one who won't status update unless they are drunk, on vacation, or both

No examples for this one because you know exactly who they are.  In fact, you wish they updated more often because they are usually the most entertaining.  They update about once or twice a year but when they do, they write about 5-10 updates all on the same 24-48 hour time span.

So there you have it! Now, who are YOUR favorite updaters??

[Note: **Most** of these examples are made up. Sadly, not all of them are.  Therefore, photos aren't posted so as not to attach anyone to these by association.]

Friend Me

I am siicckk people! Home with the pooches with 3 different kinds of -itises.  Pretty much everything from the throat up is busted.  Ugh!  I know I started feeling sick last week but I have no doubt that my weekend festivities did not help the situation. 

It was a very fun but very tiring weekend.  I got a chance to see my girl Holden who I had not seen in about a year!  She moved from DC to Nashville about a year before I moved away and we actually only worked together for a few months but sometimes, you just really have a bond with people and Holden is one of those people. 

My girl Holden and ProMo busting a move in Vegas

In fact, most of the good friends I made in DC could be described that way.  As I've mentioned before, I only lived there for about a year and a half, but made some of my closest friendships there.  I think it just adds to what I love about that city!

Anyway, as I was doing the long drive back to the 'burg, I was thinking about how I have been lucky enough to live a lot of different places and meet so many fun and interesting people. I still tell stories about:

• my childhood and college friends
• my first "gang" of friends from graduate school (who knew engineering grad students were so fun?)
• my boys (and volleyball/football teammates) from my first job in Baltimore
• the nerdy-cool-fun work friends from NYC
• my book club and LLS girls in Baltimore
• and of course the LLS crew in DC

What I appreciate about all my good friends is that I can truly be myself around them.  They make me happy and no matter how much time has passed, I know I will spend my time with them laughing and talking for hours.  But as time goes on, the communication naturally becomes more sparse. Facebook has been an interesting tool.  Overall, I think it's been a positive one for me.  It has really helped me re-connect with so many of them: from my friends that I've known since I was 5, to family around the world and everything in between.  It's nice to know what is going on in their lives and the convenience can't be beat.

At the same time, what does it mean if we're re-connected but we still don't really communicate directly? We just "stalk" each other's profiles just to get a glimpse into what is going on in each other's lives? It's such an odd phenomenon but it's totally accepted. But really, it's the new standard of communication...facebook, twitter, RSS feeds...BLOGS!!

So where am I going with this?

I guess it should be obvious that I really value personal relationships and friendships.  And as we are quickly approaching another graduation, I am interested to see how this generation of college grads will deal with their "friendships." Most of my students have 1000 or more "friends" on Facebook and I wonder if the technology-centered-ness of this generation will help or hinder their ability to sustain their past friendships or even build new ones.  I certainly hope so.  Because I would really feel like I missed out if I didn't become as close as I did with my friends in the age before social networking.

Buddies...some of these friendships go back over 20 years, some just a few months!