Family Ties

Late last week, I was hit with the news of another death in the "family."  I use the term family in quotation marks because she was not a member of my immediate or extended (by blood) family, but a member of my filipino family. 

When my parents moved to Richmond, VA in the late 60's, they were one of the very few filipinos in the area.  I've blogged about some of the things I loved about my dad, but one of the most admirable traits of both of my parents is how incredibly hard they worked to create a better life for themselves and their daughters.  I still marvel that my mom got a job with a small Richmond-based consulting civil engineering design firm in the late 60's, and I wish I could thank the owner of that company for taking a chance on a young female immigrant engineer at a time when civil rights were at the forefront of everyone's minds...especially in the "capital of the Confederacy"...

Mom and Dad looking classy in the durrrty south

But while they were working to prove themselves professionally, they were also keeping an eye and ear out for other filipinos moving into the area.  They knew that the "newbies" would be looking for familiar faces, accents, and a common love of pancit, crispy pata, longanisa and sinigang.

Eventually, they and some of the other couples formed a local group for filipinos in the metro area.  As time went on, they all had kids and I was lucky enough to grow up with a number of "aunties and uncles" and kids that were all born around the same time.  We literally grew up together. My parents were many of their godparents.  I couldn't stand the thought of dating any of the boys because they were my "brothers."  The parties were big and frequent and the food was plentiful, even if they weren't always...conventional...by American standards.  For example, check out this post for more of a glimpse into the Fil-Am life and the picture below for my dad's way of throwing down for a party:

My baptism party - fresh lechon! Dad roasting a pig in our backyard. Pretty sure he didn't have a permit for that.

2nd birthday...Slim (next to me) wants to blow out my candles and my sis (2nd from left) looks like she's about to say something bossy. And of course, the table full of food.

Over the next forty years, families came and left, the kids grew up and graduated from high school, scattered around to different colleges and came together for weddings.  Some moved back to Richmond, some never left, and some never returned.  But I still consider them family.

My Class of '92 FAACV brothers and sister at our high school graduation party

College graduation party with the same crew and Slim and XT "roasting" us.  Don't worry...it was a filipino party so it was the same microphone we used for karaoke.

One of these "sisters" was my friend A.  Though she had muscular dystrophy and grew up with numerous challenges, she had an amazing spirit and a wicked sense of humor.  She always acknowledged that she knew her time on earth was limited, but I think after 36 years, we had all gotten used to having her around and thought that maybe she would continue to beat the odds.

While I didn't see her often once I left Richmond, she had a special place in my heart.  Logically, one would think that someone who I didn't see much and had spoken to only sporadically over the past few years would not be missed.  But she was family, and family ties defy logic. 

A and her family visiting mom & dad in HHI

Family doesn't have to be connected by blood. Family, to me, means a shared history and a loving community.  I am lucky to have such a big and loving family. And I am lucky to have called A a part of that. 

Slim, A, XT and me at A's 30th birthday bash. One of our favorite pictures.

RIP, sweet friend and sister.  We miss you already.

To read more about A's life, click here.  And if this small glimpse into her life has affected you in any way, please consider making a donation in Aileen's name to the Muscular Dystrophy Association at www.mda.org.