ProMo is off on another international conference adventure which means over a week of "bachelorette" time for me! Since we've moved to the 'burg, this has happened pretty often, which is great for him and his career. For me, well...
Initially, I whine. I say that I'll be lonely. He and I hang out all the time and many days he's the only person that I talk to, so when he's gone I can go the entire day without talking to anyone. But after a day or so, I start getting used to it.
Then, the inner OCD geek comes out.
I kind of like...OK...I really like being in control of my schedule, meals, and of course the television. I should not admit this, but I even plan out all my meals (normal) and at least one household chore (not as normal) every day. I print off a schedule - which is actually supposed to be a meal planner - and I change the column of "snacks" to "chores." I really enjoy doing it and I follow it every time.
I know. I'm not right.
While I do get excited about it like the nerd that I am, I am also fully aware that my days are playing out like a scene (below) from the movie 40 Year Old Virgin.
Seriously. If I had little figurines to paint like Andy (Steve Carell) did in the movie, I probably would. Instead, I do one or all of the following: play Wii, sing karaoke or do sudoku puzzles.
It makes me wonder what I would be like if I were still single. While I would love to think I'd be sipping a glass of wine in a bubble bath every night, I'm pretty sure I'd just be curled up with some puzzles and a dog and maybe some Glee. And frankly, that wouldn't be so bad.
Over the summer, I was almost an author of a major publication! Seriously!
Here's the story...early in the summer, an established author put out a call for co-authors through some academic circles. And while the premise of the book was engineering, it wasn't a textbook. Instead, it was meant to be a collection of nuggets of info that one learns as an engineering student.
It was a book about engineering for non-engineers!
Right away, I got excited. I felt like there was SO MUCH that I could contribute to this book. It seemed like the perfect fit.
So I reached out to the author, forwarded him my resume and told him what I thought I could bring to the table. He promptly put me on his short list. What followed were a few weeks (which felt like months) of back and forth, bouncing ideas off of each other. The further we got into the process, the more I felt like I was getting into a relationship.
First, the awkward getting-to-know you phase.
He called and we chatted and learned more about each other. Of course, I tried to charm him with my personality. And while he was a pretty serious guy, he still laughed at my jokes and sounded interested in my teaching philosophy. He's an architect so we talked about how we both had preconceived notions of the other's occupation. I listened to him talk about his journey as an author and why he wanted to write this book. In the end, I hung up the phone and thought my chances were great.
Next, the bliss of the first dates.
First writing dates, that is. I was one of about 5 finalists so for the next step, I had to come up with a few writing samples on the topic that we would work on together. The goal, of course was to see if we had the right "chemistry." I quickly came up with a few ideas and sent them along.
At first, it was great. He had a bunch of suggestions and ideas that he bounced right back to me. We were both excited. I agreed with some of his ideas and disagreed with others, but when I made revisions, I always thought they were vast improvements. We were working together to make ourselves collectively better!
But then the reality of being in a relationship sets in...
I thought my ideas were fantastic and I began to think that this could be my moment of greatness. We spoke a few times and we emailed each other frequently. Every time I gave him samples that I thought could not go wrong, he would come back wanting something more, or something less.
It got harder for me to predict what he would want from me. I would tweak my samples and think that this would be the edit that clicked and he would offer me the job. But after a day or two, he would come back with more changes. I was sometimes confused and other times frustrated by his directives, and I perceived that he was probably equally frustrated and confused by me. We were both still hopeful, but we didn't seem to be communicating on the same plane.
We talk it out...
This was where I kind of felt like I was on The Bachelor. He was having a hard time making a decision so he decided to call all the candidates one more time to talk about where we were in the process. We re-connected. He talked about what I brought to the table that he really liked, but also expressed his concerns over the things that I lacked. His problem was that none of us (his finalists) really were the "perfect package" for him, so he was trying spark that additional something in all of us to see who could rise to the top.
I said that I understood and that I still wanted to make it work. We said we would re-group and I would send him yet another edit that would hopefully show that I could bring that extra quality that he was looking for. Still, I could feel myself getting more detatched.
Will I get the proverbial "final rose"?!
...then I decide to end it
Maybe it was the amount of time the process had taken. Maybe I panicked when I thought of how much time I had already spent on it and I didn't feel like we had made any progress. Most likely, it was because I came to understand that he and I did not have the same vision for this book. And since he was the primary author, I knew that if I did get the job, I would likely continue to be frustrated and confused for the duration of the collaboration.
The Break Up
I love a good challenge so I hated to quit, but I couldn't see the relationship going in a good direction. After much deliberation, I emailed him and withdrew my name from consideration. He said he was disappointed, tried to get me to change my mind, but in the end, he respected my wishes. We wished each other well and moved on.
I hope he found what he was looking for and I am disappointed that I couldn't find the "magic" with him, but it just wasn't a good fit. And so it wasn't meant to be! My brush with (almost) fame was just a brush.
Oh well, there's always that dream to be on Big Brother...
Top 10 things that make me grumpy at back-to-school time:
1. The town and university have an uncanny knack for starting construction approximately 3 weeks before the town quadruples in size.
2. The impending doom of listening to lame excuses. Do students think I'm that naive? Do they believe themselves? Tip: Before you give me an excuse, try it out on your roommates/siblings/dog. If any of them burst out laughing, don't try it with me.
3. Most of the drivers on the road have had their license for 5 years or less, turning the town into, more or less, a student-driving closed course.
4. To quote a colleague, "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
5. Weighing the cost/benefit of going to a bar that is fun and plays good music, yet is crowded by sweaty, wasted college students who scream your name from across the bar. Yes, I can hear you and yes, I am ignoring you.
6. Gross public bathrooms. On campus, in restaurants, and especially in bars. Seriously - who potty trained you? And how long ago?
7. I am your advisor, not your mother. I will not do your work, look things up or make phone calls on your behalf...and neither should you mother, by the way.
8. Pedestrian traffic jams.
9. This. question. "So, do you work in the summer?"
10. Bouncers that give you a hard time even though you're (technically) old enough to be their mother. Yes, that is my real ID. You should not question it for the mere reason that no one under 21 would really have the cajones to use a fake ID that says that they're 37.
So. Not. Ready. For. This.
Top 10 things that make me happy at back to school time! :)
1. Liveliness!! Nothing beats the energy of students coming back from summer break. This is the only time they're excited about doing work.
2. On campus eateries are actually open, which pretty much triples the number of places to eat in the 'burg.
3. More people to talk to. Followed up closely by...
4. More people that listen to, and with any luck, care about what I say.
5. A new TA to harass! Teaching assistant, personal assistant...same difference, right?
6. The return of college sports and rivalries...and tailgating. :)
7. Seeing what kind of fun new outfits and hair styles the students are trying to pull off this year.
8. Being thankful that I don't have to study or do homework on Sundays anymore.
For as much as I love/am semi-obsessed with pop culture, I surprisingly have a difficult time getting into movies. There are many classics that I've never seen, though I could probably tell you the plot line and/or the stars of the movie.
I attribute a lot of this to the fact that anything too violent or scary was either banned by my parents or gave me too many nightmares to even think about. As a side note, I had a LOT of nightmares as a kid so the thought of watching any kind of suspense or horror flick was almost laughably ridiculous. I had nightmares about Freddy Krueger...which was even more terrifying because I was convinced I was therefore going to die in my sleep.
So as a result, I developed a love for comedies and love stories. Yes, your typical chick flicks and 80's comedies. Needless to say, John Hughes films were in heavy rotation for me and of course I wanted to dress like Molly Ringwald and date a Brat Pack-er (when I wasn't pining after Duran Duran, Ralph Macchio, or River Phoenix).
The "Brat Pack" in their St. Elmo's Fire heyday
In the 25-ish years since my discovery of the sweet yet hilarious genius of Hughes films, I've acquired a list of films - most that came out in the 90's or early 2000's - that I don't think got the recognition they deserved, even if they are movies that everyone knows. So here are some of my superlative movies that I feel, for one reason or another, did not and have not gotten the recognition that they deserve as "classics" in their own way.
It can be argued that this, as every Disney movie, is a classic. But I had to include it on this list because in my mind this is the best. Disney. movie. EVER.
There is no other Disney movie that I sing along to more than The Little Mermaid. Maybe it's because it came out when I was in high school and really into show tunes. Maybe it's because the chaperone/crab sounded like the guy from the 7-Up commercials (look it up, kids). I can't pinpoint the reason I loved it so.
All I know is that when I got my wisdom teeth out in college, the only thing I wanted to do was snuggle with my stuffed "Flounder" toy and watch The Little Mermaid over and over and over again.
Best flashback at a tragic comic genius - 90's version:
Farley. Spade. And the world-wide introduction of "fat guy in a little coat."
Before digital video recorders, my roommate LAF and I would pop this into the VCR at least once a week and watch it. It got to the point that I could not only quote the entire movie, but I perfected the fast forward/stop timing to hit the (numerous) scenes that would bring me to tears with laughter. There are too many hilarious moments in this movie for me to quote right now....but here are some of my favorites (besides the aforementioned "fat guy" comment):
"Did I hear a 'niner' in there? Are you on a walkie talkie?"
"Your head is a thick candy shell."
"Bees! They're everywhere! Save yourself!"
"Brothers don't shake hands. BROTHERS GOTTA HUG!"
"Shut up, Richard."
I do believe that this movie was the beginning of my obsession with Ashton Kutcher. While I enjoyed him in That 70's Show, I frankly preferred the nerdy, awkward character of Eric (Topher Grace) to the dim, vain Kelso.
Hotties
So I never thought much of him until I saw him as the romantic lead in this movie. He and Amanda Peete had really good chemistry, and you were never quite sure where the story was going to take you. Both characters were funny, believable, and if you're a sap like me, made your heart ache a little throughout the movie. Rent it and see for yourself.
Here's one of my favorite moments. Bon Jovi? Ashton Kutcher? What's not to like?
I remember hearing about this movie when it came out because it had Mandy Moore in it and I think this may have been one of her first "lead actress" roles, plus it was based on a very popular book (which I of course had not read). Then I remember hearing how over-the-top cheesy it was and, as with any movie based on a book, how the book was "soooo much better."
So I didn't bother to try to watch it. Until one day when I was out of town for work, in my hotel room alone after a long day. I had just finished working and, knowing full well that I had to wake up at 4 AM the next day, I flipped to TBS or TNT and the movie had just started...at 11 PM. I was of course riveted immediately, HAD to stay up to watch the end and sobbed my way to sleep shortly after 1 AM.
I don't know if it it was the lack of sleep and exhaustion, the storyline (which I didn't know much about before I watched it) or Mandy Moore. But I was not just tearing up...I was HEAVING SOBS and went through probably about half a box of tissues. Tearjerker, indeed.
Long before Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph were the Bridesmaid and bride, we had Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair as a seriously hysterical trio of friends. They were rude and crude but hilarious and believable. Maybe the situations they got themselves into weren't so plausible, but can't you say the same about The Hangover [what's less believable...taking a road trip to crash a wedding and meet up with some guy you randomly met at a club or stealing Mike Tyson's tiger?]? The appeal was that I saw and heard so many of my own conversations with my crazy friends in it.
They were who we were, who we wanted to be, and who we were glad that we weren't.
I love everything about this movie. It is hilarious. It makes me cry. The actresses have amazing chemistry and make the story so riveting. After Mystic Pizza but before Pretty Woman, this movie helped the world "discover" Julia Roberts. She was gorgeous and a fantastic actress, more than holding her own against the likes of Sally Field, Shirley MacLaine and Olympia Dukakis.
And best of all, it's almost as quotable for me as Tommy Boy! Granted, in a much different way, but quotable nonetheless.
"My colors are blush and bashful...Pink is my signature color."
"You know what they say, if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me!"
"The only thing that separates us from animals is our ability to accessorize"
"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion"
What would YOU add to this list? Tell me in the comments section!
ProMo and I traveled out of town yet again a couple of weekends ago to celebrate the birthday of one of our very good friends. She is our age...that is, late 30's....as were most of her guests. One of the circles that I found myself in was discussing at what age one could categorize his or her erratic actions as a mid-life crisis. To me, it always sounded like something reserved for tired, overweight, balding men who suddenly bought convertibles or sports cars. Not someone like me...right?
Right?!?
My previous blog post illustrates that this summer has been a little reflective for me and perhaps I should just read that to see the beginnings of a crisis...if it is indeed a crisis. Was it triggered by my birthday, aka the tangible transition from my "mid-30's" (acceptable, hip) to my "late-30's" (or as my friends have shortened it..."almost 40")? Or was it triggered by the realization that the current freshman were born after I had already graduated high school? I've always been OK with my age and birthdays, and I have changed my career path a few times (as have many of my Gen X peers), so what is causing this current sense of dread and panic?
Is it a mid-life crisis?
When I checked with wikipedia, here are the buzzwords from their definition.
"a period of dramatic self-doubtthat is felt by some individuals in the 'middle years' or middle age of life, as a result of sensing the passing of their own youth and the imminence of their old age"
"triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as extramarital affairs, andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living,"
"result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as incareer, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, big-ticket expenditures, or physical appearance."
So a logical conclusion from my wikipedia pop-quiz would be that I am indeed going through a mid-life crisis.
Another symptom? My enthusiastic attendance at the Britney Spears concert this weekend.
That said, it is also true that I have ALWAYS loved cheesy pop music, I have a clear tendency to get restless living in the same place for more than 3 years, and all who know me know my passion for travel and other "big-ticket expenditures."
So I am inclined to say that this is, in fact, not a mid-life crisis.
